Christmas When You Were Mine
by Fabina11
Summary: I'm sitting, all curled up in a comfy chair in the corner on the living room looking through my music on my iPhone. I have my ear-buds in and as I hit shuffle a Christmas themed song comes on, Christmas When You Were Mine by Taylor Swift. It basically tells my life story right now. Lonely. I know Christmas shouldn't be a lonely time, but there was Christmases when Zach was...Mine.
1. Chapter 1

**Cammie's P.O.V**

It was just after Thanksgiving, yeah, it was black Friday day, and I was in Nevada with my mom, Mr. Soloman and my grandparents. No, Zach wasn't with us, sadly. Last year Zach came with us, but he couldn't this year. He was...busy. He and I are still dating, but right after we graduated from Gallagher (technically) last year, Zach joined the U.S. Marines. I hadn't seen since a week after we graduated when I was crying, saying good bye.

The last words of his he said to me "Don't say goodbye Cam, say farewell. Goodbye means we'll never see each other again. Farewell means see you again" then he gave he a hard, love-filled kiss. While we were kissing my tears were running down his cheeks and his tears were running down my cheeks. Then he left in the car waiting outside the Gallagher Academy.

I was just so sad because I don't have Zach to be with and to share joy and happiness with. Every year after I first met Zach, he would tag along when my mom and I when we went to Nevada, to go to my grandparents for Thanksgiving and a few days after. The few days we would stay after Thanksgiving we would take all the fall decorations down and get our Christmas decorations up. Zach loved to help. He never really celebrated Christmas with his mom when he was younger. But when Zach was with my family helping my mom put the ornaments near the top on the tree, or helping my grandfather put the wreaths and lights up outside, or helping my grandmother in the kitchen – there always was a light that would glow in his eyes. He was always really happy. I was the only one that could bring that light into his eyes if we were anywhere else other then my grandparents' house.

But this year, house has lost its happiness. My family is sticking to the tradition of getting the house decorated for Christmas, but it just seems to be lacking the happiness.

I'm sitting, all curled up in a comfy chair in the corner on the living room looking through my music on my iPhone. I have my ear-buds in and as I hit shuffle a Christmas themed song comes on, Christmas When You Were Mine by Taylor Swift. It basically tells my life story right now. I let it play on repeat for the rest of the few days that I'm going to be in Nevada until my mom needs to go back to The Gallagher Academy.

_Please take down the mistletoe  
Cause I don't wanna think about that right now  
Cause everything I want is miles away  
In a snow covered little town  
My momma's in the kitchen, worrying about me  
Season's greetings, hope you're well  
Well I'm doing alright  
If you were wondering  
Lately I can never tell_

My grandfather put up mistletoe, like he does every year, he grabs my grandmother and gives her a kiss. My mom puts her hands to her hear and smiles at them. My heart breaks a little, wishing that was Zach kissing me. I really wish we could take that down. I know I shouldn't think about him like that at this time, but my heart aches not knowing is he is safe every day. I hate not knowing that he may not be waking up every morning like I am. I really hate knowing that he is so far away, I cant just walk into the other room and wrap my arms around him, even though I wish to.

I look away from my grandparents, they're holding each other and smiling. I wish I was that happy. I look out the window next to me as I turn a bit in my little chair, there is a nice layer of snow covering the small town my grandparents live in. I look back at my grandparents, they've broken apart, my grandfather is walking away to the garage door, smiling. My grandmother and my mom are talking quietly in the open kitchen. They both look over at me with concern in their eyes. I can't take their sappy sympathy, so I quickly get up from my cozy chair and walk out of the open living room/kitchen and to the closet where my jacket and bearpaw, fake uggs were. As I slip on the tan faux uggs and grab my black northface I think of my mother in the kitchen worrying about me and how I'm acting without Zach. Putting the northface on it almost brings tears to my eyes. It was never mine, Zach gave it to me when we went to watch the football game of the colleges University of Alabama and Auburn University a while ago and I got cold sitting in the stands so Zach took off his jacket and gave it to me. Its been mine ever since. After my memory flashback, I zip up the coat and head out the door. I walk into the main part of the small, quint town my grandparents live in. I stop in a little shop called 'Mars', basically its a mini Wal-Mart but a lot nicer. I go to the office/school supply section and buy some loose leaf paper with a cute Christmas border. I pay my three dollars and fifty cents and head to the small Starbucks next door. Yes, even a small town like this has a Starbucks. I order a small pumpkin spice latte and I sat down at one of the tables there. I opened the pack of the new paper I bought and found a pen in my right jacket pocket and I started writing.

"Dear Zach,  
I don't know where you are, and I don't know if you'll get this in time, but I just want to let you know I'm doing fine. Really I am. If you were wondering  
My grandmother even baked a pumpkin pie. I don't know why. I guess she had just gotten used to it,  
We all miss you, you know. My grandmother, grandfather, my mom, even Mr. Solomon. He came along with my mom this year. But most importantly _I_ miss you Zach.  
How much longer is this going to be?  
It's really hard…for me and I know it's hard for you too  
I'll miss you at Christmas

Marry Christmas  
With love,  
Gallagher Girl"

As soon as I stopped writing I folded up the note and put it in my pocket along with my pen. I grabbed my packet of paper in one hand and my still-warm latte in the other and left the building with tears threatening to spill. I didn't want people to see me like this, especially in a small everybody-knows-everybody town.  
I was outside in the snow, it started snowing when I was in Starbucks. As I walked down the streets all I was was happy people. No one around me shared my pain right now. No body else really thought about having your loved one out fighting somewhere miles away while everyone else around you was all happy and all they thought about was what was in the glittery wrapped cardboard boxes?!  
I found a slightly snow covered bench right out of the main part of town. I sat down and pulled out my note I had written to Zach. It was wet, with my tears. By the time Zach gets it, it will be dry and the paper with be wrinkled in spots. I folded the note back up after I had read through it several times and it went back in my pocket. I sat on the bench or a minute, feeling the cold snow seep through my jeggins. Then I just broke down. I was balling. After quite some time I felt a light touch of a hand on my back I turned around hoping Zach came to surprise me, and I saw no one. I need to stop getting my hopes up. I mean, I'm sure Zach doesn't have nights where he couldn't fall asleep because he was thinking of me and how much he missed me.  
After a bit of calming down, I collected myself enough to go back into the main part of town, and I went to the post office. I bought a stamp and an envelope, quickly wrote down Zach's post box address and sent the note off in it's sealed envelope. I tucked the packet of new Christmas-y paper under my arm, took a sip of my latte and walked out.  
As I stood outside, feeling lost I went back to Mars and bought a picture frame. I then went to a jewelry store across the street and bought a nice expensive men's watch.  
I must have looked like a flustered young girl when I walked into the jewelry store!  
After my shopping experience I took a slow, cold, heart-breaking walk home. Knowing my mother was in the kitchen with my grandmother worrying about me, I didn't even bother to go to the closet to out my jacket and shoes away. I avoided the kitchen and made my way to the back set (they're near the back of my house) of stairs and went up to my room.  
For the rest of the evening, I slowly wrapped Zach's Christmas gifts. I also put a picture of our first kiss in the picture frame and wrapped that as well. After I finished I sat on my bed, just thinking. Thinking about how Zach rarely writes me back, thinking how I can never tell his emotions. I was thinking about how I can never hear the sound of his voice through a letter. Thinking about his like this makes me miss him even more. I get a shiver and I wrap Zach's Northface around me even more then before. It still faintly smells like him.

Oh how I wish he was here.

_I know this shouldn't be a lonely time  
But there were Christmases when you were mine_

I pull out my iPhone again and start listening to my music again and the Taylor Swift Christmas song I was listening to before. Another, brief line in the songs comes up and it really hits me hard again. Taylor Swift was singing about how Christmas time shouldn't ever be a lonely time in someones life, but I have an empty feeling in the bottom of my heart. Zach isn't here, and everyone else around is happy with someone else and I have no one to cope to or anyone to just be with. Everyone else has their significant other, but I don't. And the song is right, there was other Christmases when he was _mine._ I remember how we'd cuddle on the couch and use each other to stay warm with love. But ever since Zach left for the Marines...we haven't spent any Christmases together. We don't write to eath other anymore, I just miss him and I still have the jealously worry of her found another girl while out and away from Virginia. I just want his arms wrapped around me, I just want to feel his warmth from his chest on my back when we stand together looking out at the falling snow. I want to feel the cold window glass on my hands while Zach leaves light kisses on my neck saying 'Merry Christmas' in-between each kiss.

I just want Zach.


	2. Chapter 2

_I've been doing fine without you, really  
Up until the nights got cold  
And everybody's here, except you, baby  
Seems like everyone's got someone to hold_

_But for me its just a lonely time_

_'Cause there Christmases when you were mine._

_Merry Christmas everybody  
That'll have to be something I just say this year  
I'll bet you got your mom another sweater  
And were your cousins late again  
When you were putting up the lights this year  
Did you notice one less pair of hands_

I know this shouldn't be a lonely time  
But there were Christmases when I didn't wonder how you are tonight  
Cause there were Christmases when you were mine

**Cammie's P.O.V**

A few weeks have past, it was Christmas Eve, and I _still_ haven't heard anything from Zach. I'm really trying to not think of him, up until now I'd been holding on pretty well. Until now. I still can't get that Taylor Swift song out of my head! Her song is basically telling the story of my life right now!

Its almost Christmas eve and my whole family is hanging out at my grandparent's house. Yes, all my aunts, uncles, cousins – from both sides of my family! Its crazy at my house, but I still have the lonely feeling in my heart. I really miss Zach. I can't cuddle with him by the fire to keep warm. I don't have Zach to take silly Christmas pictures with by the tree. I don't him to make cookies with. I hate that everybody and their brother is here, except Zach. Taylor Swift's song just keeps getting even more right, with another line of 'everyone has someone to hold'. I don't have Zach to hold.

Even though I was kinda sad, I wasn't going to mope around all day. I took my little cousin, Ashley, into town to look at the small town shops and all the lights in the windows.

As my little cousin and I walk down the streets in the cool weather, the little scenery's in the windows make me miss Zach even more. Its so hard to get him out of my mind. I try, but I just can't. I mean we were walking past a clothing store and it makes me remember how he told me he always bought a new sweater for his mom every year, even though he may not spend the holiday with her. Then we walked past a jewelery store and saw watches displayed in the window. That reminded me how Zach said when he was little and his mom used to dump him at his grandparent's house. He said for at least six years straight he would go to the party his grandparents hosted. He also said how his cousins that only live about a half an hour away from his grandparents would always be late. As little Ashley pulls me gently down the street my mind wonders off. I bet this year, even though Zach was deployed, he somehow shipped him mom another sweater, even if she wasn't the best mom or the best person out there. And I bet Zach's cousins came late to his grandparent's house again, all of them sad that he wasn't there again. As Ashley stops and takes me into a toy shop, I half freeze in my step, thinking of how Zach would go undercover and volunteer at a local hospital and help decorate the child care wing. He would have to go undercover because we're spies and it would be so easy for someone to recognize us out in the open and possible kill us. When Zach would volunteer in the hospital he would always help put up lights in every room and in the mini lobby in the wing. I'm sure the usual crew that would always volunteer missed the one less pair of helpful hands. But once Zach was in the service he would always decorate for Christmas there, too.

"Cammie!" Ashley's small, but loud voice broke my train of thoughts of Zach.

"I'm sorry, Ash, I'm kinda just out of it." I gave her an apologetic look.

"Its okay, I understand your probably still stuck on that Zach guy right? I can tell you miss him" her little, bright blue eyes looked up at me. I could see the concern for me in her eyes.

I blushed a bit, "Yeah, I miss him, but I guess eventually I have to get over him. So, what were you calling my name for?"

"I was going to ask you if we could go to the department store and see Santa"

"Of course Ashley, you done here?" I asked.

"Before we go to see Santa, can I get a hot-cocoa?" Ashley looked at me with pleading eyes.

I agreed to Ashley's request because that meant I can make a stop at Starbucks and get a peppermint mocha. It kinda makes me feel lonely though, I don't have Zach to steal my drink and take a few sips. We walk into Starbucks, I'm holding Ashley's hand so I don't lose her in the crowd. I mean it would be terrible to lose a four year old on Christmas Eve! I pick up Ashley and walk up to the counter and order a tall, hot peppermint mocha latte for myself and a kid-sized cup of hot chocolate. I request the hot chocolate isn't too hot so it doesn't burn Ashley. The girl behind asks me if that's all, I almost order a tall coffee with cream and sugar but I stop mid way through because Zach isn't here. The girl behind the counter gives me a sympathetic look and says "Its okay, recent brake up. I know its hard. But he his an ass if he leaves you as a single mom"

I start to shake my head in disagreement "No, he didn't brake up with me hes-"

The girl cut me off with "Denial stage is the worst, its okay. Here, the least I can do is not make you pay for your daughters hot chocolate."

I was taken back a bit, this lady thought Ashley was my daughter and I was a single mom who most likely just got divorced my her husband. I brush that away and take the free small hot chocolate and hand it to Ashley. I then get out my wallet and hand the girl two fifty. I walk over to the other end of the counter to receive my freshly made latte. I set Ashley down so she was now standing next to me with her small cup of hot chocolate. I then take my latte from the lady who made it and walk out of the store holding Ashley's little hand.

As we walk down the street in the brisk air the main line from Taylor Swift's song keeps replaying in mine, "_There were Christmases when you were mine_". This keeps replaying because not just in the winter but throughout the year we'd walk the streets of the nearest small town and go window shopping. Zach would always have his arm wrapped around my shoulders. I remember how my right hand would lazily be tangled with his right hand that was wrapped around me.

As my thoughts of Zach died out, Ashley and I neared the department store. We walked in and got into the line of waiting for Santa. We stood there and waited for a good twenty minutes when Ashley said she was finished with her drink. The thing was that I didn't have any where to throw the cup away, I'd have to get out of line or just hold that cup. I went with choice be because I wasn't going to waste the time of getting out of line and then coming back and wait for an even longer time. And I certainly was not going to leave four-year-old Ashley alone in line.

So I waited.

And waited.

Finally! Ashley and I have been waiting in line for about almost an hour!

Ashley saw Santa, she steped up the single step to Santa. Santa was sitting in a chair at his little area the department store had made for him. The little area had a little house and a big chair outside the house that Santa was sitting on. I, myself stood at the foot of the step, no I didn't go up the step.

"Ho Ho Ho! Whats you're name?" Santa looked at Ashley who was sitting on his lap.

"Ashley" she answered simply.

"Ohh, Ashley, what a beautiful name."

"Thank you" she said politely.

"So Ashley, what would you like for Christmas?" Santa's voice boomed with jolly-ness.

"I don't want anything for Christmas" Ashley stated. I was shocked. Wouldn't she like the newest barbie? Or some candy?

"What I would like for Christmas is for my older cousin" Ashley pointed to me. "To be happy. Ever since Thanksgiving she has gotten really down and sad. She usually is bright and happy. But not this year, she was like this last year too, but this year is worse!"

I couldn't believe it, Ashley wanted me to be happy, and she didn't want anything for herself!

"Now Ashley, how do you think your cousin would become happy?" Santa asked Ashley as he looked down at her with big blue eyes.

"Bring her boyfriend Zach home. Hes away in some other country fighting, hes in the Marines"

At this point I had tears in my eyes, Ashley was the sweetest thing, she thought of other people before herself.

"Well, Ashley, I know just the thing to help" Santa said to Ashley with a smile on his face.

Ashley gasped, "You do!? Oh good!"

Santa snapped his fingers and Zach walked out of the little Santa house wearing his Marines uniform.

"Zach!" Zach quickly came over to me and picked me up and spun me around.

"Cammie! Ohh, I've missed you so much" he said into my shoulder as we were hugging.

We broke apart from our hug and we kissed, as we were kissing I herd Ashley say, "Santa! Your magic does work!" Zach and I broke apart laughing and smiling.

Then Zach got down on one knee,

"Cammie, I love you so much, even though we may be young, I know you're the one. And being gone made me realize how much you mean to me. I didn't realize really how much you meant to me until you were gone. Will you marry me?" Zach then opened the ring box and I saw the most beautiful ring ever.

I was speechless, I managed to get a nod of yes out.

Then before I knew it we were kissing again.

Then as we're kissing the last line of the Taylor swift song fades into my mind. "_You were mine"._


End file.
